I am Not Afraid but My Mother Is
I am not bad; I am a kid just doing kid things. My name is Jordan and I am Autistic. When I want to try new things I am not afraid. I have tried so many scary things. I have had several injuries and many trips to the doctor. I had a cast on my foot when I was three but I didn’t like it so I took it off the same day. Mom said it would hurt but I didn’t feel it. I like the doctor and I like getting needles too. I am not afraid of hospitals.
Have you ever tried to swing across the monkey bars at school? I have tried so many times my hands would bleed. I fell a few times and mom said I hurt myself. Once I fell flat on my back from the top of the bars. I had to go to the hospital for x-rays. Mom said I would have to stop but I didn’t want to. I kept trying until I learned to swing all the way across. Mom said I was too little to do those things; I was only 4 years old. I don’t experience pain the way others do. I like trying things and I have a high pain tolerance too. It is not scary for me.
I learned to ride my two wheel bike when I was just four. I can out pedal my mom and dad. I like driving my bike on the road like motor bikes do. I don’t think they can drive faster than me. Mom said I could get squished if they run over me but I know they can’t catch me. I am fast and fearless.
Swimming is my favorite thing to do. I can swim very well and I have never had any swimming lessons. I went in the deep water without my life jacket when I was three and I swam right under. Mom was afraid but not me. I can go down big water slides by myself. Our family went to the water park and I got away from my sister and went down by myself. Dad caught me coming off the bottom just before another grownup landed on me. I am not afraid of anything.
I had my fifth birthday on May 16th and I am getting bigger now. I am learning that I don’t like seeing my mom afraid so I am trying hard to learn something new. I am learning not to scare my mother. I promised her I will try not to do things that scare her. I do not feel fear but I can see it in my mother’s eyes and I can hear it in her voice. Now that I am getting older I am learning not worry my mother. Sometimes I forget and she has to remind me not to do scary things. Sometimes I wait till she isn’t looking to try. I may never be afraid but I will be safe. I understand emotions and I have compassion. I don’t like to see my mother afraid so I will learn fear through her tears. I don’t want to be the reason she cries.
We as a family promote the positives of Jordan’s personality and encourage her to do the things she is driven to try. We make it as safe as possible for her to be herself. She is a risk taker and with that she can be a danger to herself and others. She has the ability to do most anything when she wants, except make good decisions sometimes. That is what the parents are for.