I Can’t Beat This Addiction
All my life I have been faced with this. For a few short years I thought I had it under control. I only used once in a while. I could still go about my daily life without it eating at me. Recently there has been a change and I don’t know how it got this far so fast. Looking back I can hardly remember what it felt like to not be a full blown user. This addiction has taken a toll on my life, I hardly eat anymore, the house is a mess and the sounds of my children playing have been replaced with visions. I see repeat colors, mystical creatures and psychedelic colors when I close my eyes to sleep. I stay awake for hours on end; I cannot stay focused on anything except my next fix. My pay checks are spent before they come and I worry about how I will feed the family but nothing stops me from doing it again and again.
This addiction has taken a toll on my body too. My feet go numb because of lack of circulation. My hands pain and ache often, they are getting deformed and debilitated. My extremities are failing me. I hardly go out to socialize anymore but for a fix I will travel miles to find just the right kind. It now consumes me, it has become me, and I have the world to blame. Society has made this an acceptable thing,; they allow people to do this almost anywhere they want and at any age. It is legal and available at every other store. How will we stop this trend and do we even want to. There are support groups around the world on social media sites but they are not there to stop you, they are there to keep you coloring. Yes I am an addict, I am a Colorist!
Carolin D. Palmer